I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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