There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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