I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize