rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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