I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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