walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Randomize