I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Soap is not a condiment
Too much gin, very little bucket
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sex in a hospital.. check
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