bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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