i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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