i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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