So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize