when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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