We're facebook friends in real life
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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