I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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