hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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