In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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