Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize