I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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