You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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