Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
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I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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