i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize