i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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