You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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