When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize