I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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