She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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