Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize