My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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