Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I party with great urgency now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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