I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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