We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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