somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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