I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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