The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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