For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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