It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize