this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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