I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had to coat check the pizza.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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