Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize