I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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