he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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