i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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