I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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