she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize