Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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