We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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