On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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