i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Less talking, more tequila
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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