Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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