New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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